Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
