You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
