watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
