Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
