i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's like iHOP with fire
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
