Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
