what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
