I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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