When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
smell my finger.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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