apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
