im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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