Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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