an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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