Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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