I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
