I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
last night I used snow as a chaser
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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