i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
