Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
