??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
