having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
