Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
