My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
