its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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