You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
