Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The chlamydia really affected his face.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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