how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
