after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wish my penis had a tongue
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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