She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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