there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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