Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
