Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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