Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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