And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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