we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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