his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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