he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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