We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
