I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
