i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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