omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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