I wanna passion pit in your ass
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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