OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
