Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this boner is exhausting
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
