He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
