I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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