I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
