somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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