i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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