you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
