we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
