You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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