you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
