Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
