it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
