Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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