I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
