if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
