How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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