Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
