this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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