She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
