I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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