Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
