its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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