explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
