Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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