last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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