O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
