____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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