Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
