can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
