i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
